so, on Sunday, I spent my whole day at Uluwatu, Bali. it was my brother’s wedding. well, at first it felt so good. the chapel was amazing. painted in beige, it’s covered with glass. the interior was all-white and from the inside, there you have it, a sea view, like, literally, by the sea. 

the ceremony was beautiful, simple, short, and essential. after the ceremony we’ve got some celebration cocktails, or should I say, tropical drinks :p and then we went to the hotel. on the way to the hotel we passed a beach which name I forgot, it was a very beautiful and crowded beach. when we arrived at the hotel I actually wanted to go to that beach and playing around, perhaps taking some pictures and photos, but apparently I didn’t have much time left so, well,

well actually I was kinda depressed after a month full of agenda, I was hoping I can relax a bit and refresh my head. but in fact I can’t. I was disappointed and depressed and stressed so I cried in the bathroom, basically I cried for my miserable life -_- “why can’t I get some time to relax? I just want to relax” I said it while my mom hugged me. this is the second time I cried in the bathroom and then my mom came and hugged me and calm me down. hopefully that thing isn’t going to be a new habit, it’s depressing -_-

anywaay, then it came the dinner time! wedding dinner, private, like the ceremony. there were various food, all of them were delicious. I ate in order: appetizer, main course, and dessert. but then again it was private so we have like all the pool and garden for ourselves. the wedding singer sang soo many songs (of course my mom and dad and my sister in law’s sister and brother in law and father was joining) and I got bored. I mean seriously, there were only 3 tables with 15 people and 2 wedding singers. so I went to the pool side and looked at the amazing night sky and sea (not the sea, the sea breeze and the sound of wave was the amazing one). beside the pool and the garden was some reggae bar. I took a peek and felt that the bar was more interesting than my brother’s wedding. note, I DIDN’T go to the bar.

and then my other brother came and we had some chit-chat. well… some of them were more than chit-chat, like, serious matters. one of those matters were, he told me that his mother (my step? no! not even my mother) was angry about today (of course! my mom was on the aisle, beside, why does my brother want her - his real mother - to be on the aisle? she’s, well, such a bitch). she was angry about my mom and dad and she said that “I’ll do my revenge through his (my dad) daughter”

what, bitch? you’re gonna harm ME? I was gonna say “AS IF” but my brother said this first “I told her if she wants to mess up with you, it’s not dad she’s gonna face, it’s me. she confused and said ‘what do you mean?’ then I said ‘well, she’s my little sister so if you do harm to her, you’ll have to deal with me. you ready for that?’” and he giggled.

I was like, have no problems with her, until my brother said so. he wasn’t going to tell my mom and dad about it and I said he shouldn’t. but here’s the thing, people are talking bad about her (not that she’s nice, she deserves it actually) someone even literally hate her in front of her. my brother wasn’t invite her to his wedding at first and she calls my mom with all nasty words. but I never, ever, talking bad about her. I heard many stories but I didn’t react. I even asked about her positive side (she’s good at cooking cakes and else) and appreciated it. she called my mom a slut and I didn’t react. I, basically, don’t have problems with her.

well, I still don’t have problem with her. but at least I recognize these things:

first, I understand why people can’t stop mocking her. second, I understand that she’s a total bitch. third, I feel pity for her. and since today I’m not gonna talk about bad stuffs about her but I don’t wanna play nice either. if she shuts her bitchy mouth I’ll shut mine and if she messes with me, well, I only can guarantee that she’ll get something on her way home.

for once I felt gamble. like, I try to be positive but some people are so mean. but after thinking a lot I decided that it won’t change the way I am. I want to be positive, always. but I can’t guarantee a thing when someone betrays that.

anyway, that story had changed my night. suddenly I felt so tired and want nothing but a comfy bed. not so long after that we all went to the hotel and I fell asleep so fast. the next thing happened was my sister woke me up at 5 and told me to hurry. I was getting myself ready and then we said goodbyes to our mom and dad and we caught our flight on time. I was planning to sleep during the flight but I can’t resist the beauty of the sunrise. I sat by the window and watched the sun rose, from the sky. it was sooo beautiful. I could see the warm sunshine touched the mountain and how the sky looked so friendly. that moment reassured me about how I should stay positive in life. like the sunshine, shining on many things, friendly, warm and comforting, I should be like that, too.

well, that’d be all. I still feel so tired now. I really have a month full of agenda. hopefully I could get a day off or two (which I’ll get this week) and use them to get some sleep or refresh my mind.

sorry but my post seems a little bit… trashy. but I’d like to think trashy tonight. 

it’s about BOY. started out when I was talking to my friend about what kinda guy I expect to be my BF. or a guy that impress me or something like that. 

and mine, is smart-kinda-guy. I don’t say clever or genius, I say smart. why smart? because there are these people, with a gift called “good-looking” and cute or cool or whatsoever but still have brain. these kinda guy are able to talk about little things and big things. they are critical, wise, and also funny. 

some of them shaped as a cool-kinda-guy. they don’t talk a lot and they are, well, cool. some of them shaped as a funny-kinda-guy. they joke a lot and their jokes are funny, but when it comes to something serious, they’re wise as hell. some of them have both kind.

because there are a lot of guy with handsome face and cool style with no brain. all they think about is girls and they don’t react to politics and they don’t have perspectives. without their cars or their sunglasses, they’re basically nothing.

and I’m that kinda girl who react to politics and collecting perspectives. I talk about election to psychological analysis. I also joke a lot and laugh hard. I think about a lot of things, and I have plans.

having a boyfriend doesn’t mean you have someone to accompany you doing your daily activities. having a boyfriend means you have this one person you can share a lot of things with, more than with your friends. to share interests and perspectives, to encourage each other to be better and support each other. to build a better you. along the way, you get some bonuses, such as sometimes you’ll have someone accompany you when you’re eating, or shopping, or studying. 

and to have a busy boyfriend, that’s cool. I prefer that. so both of you can get a life and share lots of things from each of yours. grow up, man, this isn’t high school. 

and I know to find such boys are hard, you need time. to see if he’s actually smart, or to see if he fits and else. but, anyway, there is no benefit for rushing, and no harm for take things slow and right for the right moment, or person, or anything. it’s like when you buy a dress. if it doesn’t fit, or uncomfortable, you’ll look for another dress, and you’ll keep doing that until you find the one that fits you best and you feel comfortable wearing it.